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Dear Burt:
I was pulled this morning to read some of inquiries in your reading library.
Something, that I felt this morning made me quander this. I was feeding my two cats this morning, I had this thought/feeling go through me that “What if I didn’t feed my cats?” It felt so automatic to be doing this everyday , I never question it. But this morning, I didn’t know why, from the minds perpective. It felt very frightening that I felt this feeling of no sense of why? It felt that movement of feeding the cats came from a conditioned movement and then I questioned it, the mind didn’t have an answer. That’s when I felt the fear, like the beliefs that made me do things in life, made life feel confortable. When the mind questions it doesn’t know, except it had been believed that what’s you did. It felt so real as the truth, what's right or wrong. My mind needed to feel safe by holding on to these automatic movements of operating in life. I have realized things like this have happened before, but I through all the reading and studying spirituality, the mind still wants to feel safe because it tells you how to operate in life safely. I know that this falling away of things I believed in, happened to me in a big chunk many years ago, but I never had an explanation till I came upon spirituality. It felt like a had been asleep my whole life, my sense of who I was and how I responded to life started to crumble. It was a very frightening process. That’s when the quest started.
This is when I decided to check out your Reading Library. One in particular “The scope of knowing”. You said that “Whatever we experience is the chemical action of our nervous system.” It came to me that what we call me/ego is nothing more than a conditioned response that is experienced through the nervous system. Am I sensing this correctly? I know this can’t be summed up in one sentence. It felt like the nervous system plays a big role in what we perceive as ourselves? That's why we feel so real because of the emotions in our bodies from the judgements of what we perceive through our senses.
This is not the first time I have felt this inquiry, but something made me want talk to you. When the way you have perceived areas in life fall away it’s very frightening, when you don’t have larger view of what the truth is. How do bridge these two worlds? It comes down to finding out “Who or What am I,” doesn’t it?
Thank you Burt for offering the opportunity to speak with someone so openly..
love,
L.
Dear L.,
Nice to hear from you again. You asked the following:
Something, that I felt this morning made me quander this. I was feeding my two cats this morning, I had this thought/feeling go through me that “What if I didn’t feed my cats?” It felt so automatic to be doing this everyday, I never question it. But this morning, I didn’t know why, from the minds perpective. It felt very frightening that I felt this feeling of no sense of why? It felt that movement of feeding the cats came from a conditioned movement and then I questioned it , the mind didn't have an answer. That's when I felt the fear, like the beliefs that made me do things in life, made life feel confortable. When the mind questions it doesn't know, except it had been believed that what's you did. It felt so real as the truth, what's right or wrong. My mind needed to feel safe by holding on to these automatic movements of operating in life. I have realized things like this have happened before, but I through all the reading and studying spirituality, the mind still wants to feel safe because it tells you how to operate in life safely. I know that this falling away of things I believed in, happened to me in a big chunk many years ago, but I never had an explanation till I came upon spirituality. It felt like a had been asleep my whole life, my sense of who I was and how I responded to life started to crumble. It was a very frightening process. That's when the quest started.
The need to feel safe and secure are the natural drives of survival. There is nothing ‘wrong’ in these reactions. However, as we bring greater awareness to them they will start, gradually, to lose their hold over us. The key point we have to ask is this, “Am I willing to lose all sense of personal identity?” and we will find that in our intention we certainly don’t want to. This resistance to losing our identity is so strong that we have no inkling of its force. However again, as you explore your intention and ask, “What good will it do me?” “Why is it necessary?” and so on and sincerely look at these questions then your hold will lessen. Our freedom from limitation and bondage depends on this ‘seeing.’ Most people adamantly refuse to look at this aspect and go on pretending they are being spiritual by reading and study or even practice. I am emphasizing this because I know what it is to be stuck without knowing it.
You said that “Whatever we experience is the chemical action of our nervous system.” It came to me that what we call me/ego is nothing more than a conditioned response that is experienced through the nervous system. Am I sensing this correctly? I know this can't be summed up in one sentence. It felt like the nervous system plays a big role in what we perceive as ourselves? That's why we feel so real because of the emotions in our bodies from the judgements of what we perceive through our senses.
That is very insightful L. You are sensing it correctly. The nervous system plays a major role because it is connected to memory. Memory is our body, mind and the world we experience. It is through this memory that we can recognize our consciousness (which is NOT memory). How can we know our timeless essence unless we live in time (memory). It is through change that we can know the changeless. It is through personal identity that we discover our true “I” essence beyond personal. We cannot see our own eyes until we see a mirror image of them – it is that mirror that is both the illusion and the necessity to ‘SEE.’ We feel sensation, we feel thought, we feel emotion because of the nervous system. The question is, “How real are they?” That is the crucial question that liberates us. The nervous system is creation's way (God’s way) to give us the intelligence to function and recognize. Recognize requires the ability to choose between love or fear. However agagin, as we probe deeper intelligently into the source of choice we have we find there is no choice. For example, as a conscious being would you choose fear? Of course not because fear is unconscious activity of the conditioned nervous system. If you were conscious would you choose love? Of course not because love chooses you. Love acts through you. So, in reality there is no choice... decisions, questions, fears, negative emotions, choices, judgments and so on occur only during unconsciousness. Your only ‘job’ is becoming aware and that’s it. The growth of awareness is known as LOVE. Love keeps growing until all ego is dissolved and all that's left is God and then you discover that this is who you have been all along.
God does not say “I am God,” because there is no one to say it and so you see the dichotomy here? Questions have to be asked until they dissipate themselves and clarity ensues. People who do not ask questions are generally so full of them that they don’t know where to start or how to phrase them. Learning to phrase questions into a clear definition of what you are trying to say is a gift of intelligence (which you have). Finally, when all questions have been exhausted through clarity then there is the disappearance of the questioner – but this can only happen when all heartfelt questions have been explored. I get many questions from same people often, and I love them for it, despite the work of writing them... simply because I know what is happening inside them and it is too beautiful for words.
Like you said L, we feel so real because of the nervous system producing those sensations, but ultimately are the sensations real?
This is when I decided to check out your Reading Library. One in particular “The scope of knowing.” This is not the first time I have felt this inquiry, but something made me want talk to you. When the way you have perceived areas in life fall away it’s very frightening, when you don't have larger view of what the truth is. How do bridge these two worlds? It comes down to finding out “Who or What am I,” doesn’t it?
This is the scary part and that is why Masters have emphasized – when you want truth as much as the drowning man wants air then its already yours.
We cannot know what is pure feeling beyond sensation, thought and emotions until we are courageous enough and aware enough to be willing to ‘die’ in order to live, truly live. When perceived areas start falling away it is frightening. And, as we stay with this fear then there is the grace of comfort that ‘there is a place’ beyond this madness. We cannot see that ‘place’ through words alone or study but through direct confrontation with the issues of your life... this is meeting yourself just as you are without judgment. When it comes down to “Who or What am I?” then this is the time to take the plunge into the unknown and inevitably will see that you have never been who you thought you were and feel extreme relief, almost an astonished exhuberance of freedom because nothing is real and nothing matters, and that’s when, paradoxically, everything becomes alive and everything matters – even shit matters, even tears matter and even clouds that hide the sun matter because that’s when both sides become ONE. There is no longer reality or unreality, God and you, up and down... there is only here and now.
Bless you for your sincere authentic questions L.,
With love,
Burt
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